I wasn’t raptured on Saturday, which came as no surprise to me. There were, of course, the Rapture jokes all day Saturday.
It all started at Starbucks. Like most people, I am addicted to caffeine. Since I’m “cutting back” on my caffeine due to the pregnancy – or due to my cardiologist’s suggestion that my intake of caffeine be reduced to a couple of cups a day – I have taken up going to Starbucks for my coffee. This keeps coffee (my weakness) out of the house, and since Starbucks is all the way in town I only drink a venti Coffee Frappuccino a day. I can’t justify the amount spent on gas for more than one trip.
That’s why my Saturday morning experience could have been horrible. It could have been the end of the world, literally. There I was in line. My cup was firmly clutched in my hand. My eye was on the last cheese danish in the bakery case. Since Saturday was not only the Rapture, but also high school graduation, there were lots of families in line.
(They held all the high school graduations at the college, and staggered the schools. Parents needed to keep their seniors occupied somehow. Coffee is always a great way. The parents can all socialize inside while the high schoolers socialize outside.)
Anywho, there I stood surrounded by graduating seniors, their families, a couple of soccer moms and their fully decked out kids, and one US Congressman when it happened. The electricity flickered. Jokes were made about the Rapture and the fact no one from Starbucks was gone. All good, clean fun until the worst thing in the world happened. The flicker of electricity caused a shutdown of everything electronic in Starbucks. The registers went down. The oven went down. The blenders didn’t work. The credit card machines were goners. Getting an idea of the horrors we all faced?
Everyone (minus one caffeine deprived me) made a few jokes about the Apocalypse wasn’t earthquakes and massive storms, but a lack of caffeine. One certain man (who will remain nameless) suggested the Apocalypse was an Amanda Nicole without her morning caffeine. Okay, that might not have been a joke. The danish and breakfast were pushed from my mind. I tried a few jokes, but my thoughts were on the poor blender.
The blender that’s only job in life is crushing ice and mixing it with coffee, a dash of sugar, and milk. That lovely blender that creates easy on the stomach caffeine. (I can’t stomach full cups of black coffee at the moment. It’s really sad.) If this was Judgment Day, I could see why people feared the day. No coffee! No caffeine! No light and fluffy drink with little itty bitty pieces of ice, perfect for a spring day in the desert. (It was over 70F after all.)
Writing while sipping my drug was forgotten. Chatting with the other politico in Starbucks was pushed from my mind. All I could think about was the fact my poor little cup had no sweet goodness in it. It was the end of the world. Rapture had come and gone. The world wouldn’t be destroyed by earthquakes, but by a lack of coffee. This was a sign from above.
And that’s when the manager came up with the idea of writing down our orders and fulfilling the orders. Fifteen minutes of waiting for the register before deciding that caffeine was more important. Sometimes you must wonder about people who think standing between me and my morning caffeine is a good idea.
Luckily for everyone, the blenders came up quicker than the registers. My cup quickly overflowed with the icy blend of coffee and milk. The end of the world was adverted, at least until the next time Starbucks computers go on the fritz. I wonder if I can do a short story based on Starbucks, lack of caffeine, and the end of the world.