Yeah, you read that right. Letters. I’m stuck! I wrote two semi-decent query letters. I like both letters, but I’m not completely sold on either one. (Did I mention I have a phobia about query letters? The phobia might be part of the problem here.)
Anywho, I figured it’s been a while since I’ve done a poll. And I have two letters. One of these two letters shall be polished to perfection and used to query agents. So, I decided it’s time to have another poll. I’ve put both query letters below. Read both, and then use the cute little vote-collector-widget-thingy (looks like a girl working at a desk) to record your preference. You have until midnight Mountain Daylight Savings Time on March 28th to vote.
Remember: a query letter is short and sweet and makes you want to read the book. Most agents (like 95%) will only read this letter. This is my way to convince agents they want to read the book. Preferably in less than 250 words. So, short and sweet is the key!
Little disclaimer: I, Amanda Nicole Trisdale, do have the right to use this poll just as an advisory tool. Any and all decisions about which query letter to use are up to my discretion. I really just felt this would be a fun way to show the two query letters I’m proud of enough to send them off to agents. It takes months to write a query letter. If you’re anything like me you continue to question your query letter. And I really haven’t decided which one goes off. Also, the different endings are based off what an agent has requested in the initial query packages. So, those change depending on the agent.
QUERY LETTER A
Normal sixteen years old kids can’t wait to leave home. Foster child and college graduate Alexandria Houston is anything but a normal sixteen years old. She doesn’t want to leave, but wants to find a place to finally call home.
Hans Zeidrich is known for bringing “lost sheep” to his home, a militia compound in West Texas. When he brings “Margaret Loving” into his home no one sees it as strange. They don’t know the truth. “Margaret” is really Alexandria and a pawn in an ATF agent’s game against Hans. Hans can’t tell anyone, not even to let Alexandria, that he’s aware of the truth until he knows he can keep Alexandria safe from the agent.
Hans tells Alexandria of his own past; witnessing his parents’ murder at a young age, and his life living in foster care. He hopes it will break through the walls she hides behind. Alexandria begins forming relationships and finds the love she seeks. She deals with life and intrigue on a militia. She’s certain if her secret is revealed someone will kill her. A case of poisoning by someone who knows confirms her fears. As Alexandria recovers, Hans offers to become her father fully. The choice is hers. Alexandria’s walls are breaking. She wants the love he offers, but she needs protection, too. Her secret is about to come out.
(Name of the book) is an 82,000 word family saga. I have included the synopsis/X pages/Y chapters as requested on your website/blog. Please let me know if you would like to see the complete manuscript. I can send the manuscript via either e-mail or USPS, whichever is convenient for you. Thank you for your consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
Amanda Nicole Trisdale
QUERY LETTER B
Alexandria Houston’s plans for her sixteenth year include fulfilling her dream of finding a home, not another foster home. There was nothing about using an alias, Margaret Loving, living on a militia compound in West Texas, and spying for an ATF agent.
The Leader of the compound, Hans Zeidrich, is known for taking in “lost lambs”. He saw his parents and sister murdered when he was eight and survived years in foster care, which led to his need to save others. It’s almost Alexandria’s story, though she was six when her mother was murdered.
Sixteen is anything but sweet. There are men targeting her. Hans’ son refuses to acknowledge “Margaret Loving” unless Hans finds Peter’s long lost niece, Alexandria Houston, who was last seen when she was six. She finds herself giving in to her need for love. When she wakes up in the hospital after being poisoned, Hans is beside her bed. Hans offers her protection and unconditional love, but Alexandria knows that love is for “Margaret,” her alias. Yet, he’s also a hardened criminal. She knows the love will disappear and Hans will kill her for spying if he finds out the truth. She has to stay Margaret if she wants his love, but the agent isn’t going to let her go that easily.
(Name of the book) is an 81,000 word family saga. If you would like to read the manuscript I can send it via email/USPS. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your consideration.
Amanda Nicole Trisdale
(PS: If you are reading this via Google Reader or email you need to click over to the blog if you want to vote!)